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I was talking to a good friend last night (henceforth known as "The GM," thanks wife!) and because we have the kind of relationship where we can talk about anything without him freaking out, the subject of marriage and kids came up. Actually, he brought it up. Once he finishes grad school he wants to get married. Like, that afternoon. In fact, he wants to get his future wife pregnant immediately. Like, on the honeymoon.

Me: I'm gonna need at least two years of marital bliss before children enter the picture.
Him: how do you intend to prevent your husband from getting you pregnant?
Me: birth control, clearly.
Him: yeah... [Laughing] Cuz there's no way I'd wear a condom. I might even hide the pills.*

Instead of making a crack about his biological clock ticking, I asked him why he was in such a rush.

Me: but if you start having kids right away, you don't get to go out on dates and have spontaneous rendezvous in the kitchen!
Him: isn't that what dating is for?
Me: well, if you get married, it's sanctified by the Lord...

No dice. He also would prefer his future wife (apparently, that person may be me) to take his name.

Here's the thing. I think a woman should do whatever it is she wants to do. My fly, liberated, fabulous Lauren says she can't wait to change her name. I polled two of my office mates (both of whom are in serious relationships) also; U said unequivocally "no," while E said she wouldn't, but only because her fiance has a hyphenated name and "that would just be a mess." I tend to agree. My kids would definitely have his name, but hyphenation is a "maybe" option for me. A quick text message poll of several male friends showed an overwhelming "heck yeah she's gonna take my name" response.

Sigh. I'm all for a man being the head of the family, etc, but my name means too much to me to give it up. GM also wants like 5 kids, so if I'm supposed to be knocked up for 5 years straight, then could I at least please have my name? Do I look like Michelle Duggar? Get the heck out of here with that!

*The GM is actually not nearly as chauvinistic as this post makes him sound. He's a nice, smart, guy with the kind of dry humor that makes it hard to tell when he's being serious. So I'm just gonna assume he was kidding.

Listening to: The Dears, "There Goes My Outfit."

5 new thought(s):

the joy said...

I want to change my name, but that's only because I hate my last name. If I liked it I'd want both of us to hyphenate our names. I don't think guys are chauvinistic to think a woman should, its one of those things where you kinda think that's the only way.

I love the duggars! But I'm waiting before I have kids. Gotta christen the house.

jameil1922 said...

i am not a clown car. there will be no multitude of children crawling out of my uterus. my name doesn't mean that much to me. as long as your last name isn't roach or the like, let's get rid of the one of got post haste! i have no desire to pop out the babies immediately either. slow ya roll partner. if you were so ready to have kids you should've gotten married sooner. don't be rushin me.

shani-o said...

Joy - I kinda love the Duggars, too... but that's SO not me. And why do you hate your last name? I think it's fab!!

Jam - lol @ you not being a clown car. I would love to have lots of kids, somehow I think kids that have multiple siblings are better adjusted.

The thing is, I'm soooo attached to my last name. Like, I might be willing to add my husband's name to mine, but to drop mine entirely? Noooo way.

La said...

LMFAO @ "clown car". Jesus Jam.

I think the name is a choice, another compromise that has to be reached between both parties. Even my feminist self likes the idea of taking on my significant other's names... except in the business arena of course. They have no part here, lol

CNEL said...

I don't want a marriage or children, but here's my take:

On Names: I've seen it go both ways with females not taking their husband's names but their children of course having their father's name.

It can be icky because when I worked as an After Care Counselor we'd just call the moms w/e the kid's last name was, and sometimes Mom's had kept her own name. Nobody bitched me out, but I said more power to em.

I also had a teacher whose wife put his last name as her middle name, and kept her maiden name.
It was weird, but I guess it worked for them.

Kids: Whew 5, damn. Umm there definitely needs to be proper spacing. As long as both ppl want them and can provide for them, more power to them.